NANAY: Bobo ka talaga! 1 to 10 lang di mo kayang bilangin?
ANAK: Mas bobo si tatay nay,kasi narinig ko minsan sabi, “tama na inday, hanggang tatlo lang kaya ko.”
pare at bobo!
Bobo: pare hulaan mo ugali ko, nagsisimula sa letter A
Bobo: mali pa rin
Pare: o sige siret na!
Bobo: ANEST wehehe!!!
Priest and Bakla!
Priest: ang mga bakla’y walang lugar sa kaharian ng langit.
Mga bakla: carry lang po father…dun na lang kami sa rainbow mag iislide-slide!!!
1 panget na babe, hinoholdap…
Holdaper: holdap ito! akin na gamit mo!
Babae: RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!
Holdaper: anong rape? holdap nga to eh!
Babae: wala lang! nagsusuggest lang…
Farmer & his son!
Farmer: lalaki na talaga ang aking anak kasi magsasaka na…ano ang balak mo itanim sa sakahan mo anak?
Anak: flowers papa!!! madaming madaming flowers! pretty diba?!
Passenger taps taxi driver’s shoulder…
WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! screamed the driver…
Passenger: bakit ka sumigaw?
Driver: sorry bossing bago lang kasi ako sa taxi. 25 years po kasi ako driver ng funenaria!
Delayed ng Isang Buwan!
Pag dating ni Munir sa bahay, sabi ni Ei, ang asawa nya, “Sweetheart, delayed ako ng isang buwan. Kagagaling ko lang sa doktor. Pero huwag mong sabihin kahit kanino, kung hindi mapapahiya lang ako kapag di nagkatotoo.”
Kinaumagahan, merong dumating na taga-Meralco. Pagbukas ng pinto, sabi niya, “Ale, delayed ho kayo ng isang buwan.”
“Kanino mo nalaman ito?” tanong ni Ei.
“Nandito ho nakasulat sa records namin,” sagot ng taga-Meralco.
“Talaga? Nakasulat sa records ninyo?”
Sa sumunod na araw, si Munir ay dumating galit na galit sa counter ng Meralco.
“Paano niyo nalaman na delayed ng isang buwan ang misis ko?
“Konting pasensya lang. Kung gusto niyong mawala sa records namin ito, magbayad na lang kayo,” sagot ng isang empleyado.
“Eh, kung ayaw kong magbayad?” tanong ni Munir.
“Puputulan ho kayo,” sagot ng empleyado.
“Kung puputulan ako, anong gagamitin ng misis ko?”
“Pwede naman siyang gumamit ng kandila, di ba?”
Husband: Shall we try a different position tonight?
Wife: Thats a good idea dear!… doon ka sa may plantsahan at ako naman
ang uupo sa sofa at manoood ng tv.
After The Wedding!
Husband: Sinungaling ka, sabi mo virgin ka! Bakit kagabi maluwag na!
Wife: U*&L ka! Dahil lasing ka, katabi mo kagabi si mama!
A Filipino doctor has introduced the use of a device that enlarges a
man’s sex organ by up to 5 times with no side effects. It is called a
ATTY: Inday, pwede mo bang idiskrayb dito sa korte ang taong nangreype sa ‘yo?
INDAY: Maitim, panot, tagyawatin, pango ilong, at bungal…
SUSPEK: Sige!…mang-asar ka pa!!!!
Wala yan sa lolo ko!
Juan:alam nyo ba yung lolo ko nung panahon ng hapon dun lang sya nagtatago sa maliit na pader at hindi sya tinatamaan ng bala.
Jose:wala pala yan sa lolo ko eh, yung lolo ko sa flywood lang nagtatago at hindi sya tinatamaan.
Pedro:wala palang binatbat ung mga lolo nyo sa lolo ko, yung lolo ko nakatayo lang sa gitna.
Juan,Jose:talaga? bakit di sya tinatamaan
Pedro: eh bakit sya babarilin eh hapon ung lolo ko.
Gen. Tinio St.
Bakit natatakot bumaba sa jeep ang mga babaeng pasahero sa kanto ng Gen. Tinio St., Caloocan City??
Kasi ang sigaw ng mga driver ” O YONG MGA BABABA, KANTO TINIO NA!!!
One Way Ticket to HEAVEN!
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one: “Heaven’s getting pretty close to full today, and I’ve been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what’s your story?” The first man replies: “I’ve suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so I came home early to try to catch her red-handed.
As I entered my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong. So, I went out to the balcony and there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! I got really mad, so I started kicking him, but he wouldn’t fall off. So I got a hammer and hammered on his fingers. He let go and fellâ€”but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay.
I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony.” “Sounds like a pretty bad day to me,” said Peter, and let the man in. The second man comes up and Peter again asks for his story. “It’s been a very strange day. See, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and I do my exercises out on my balcony. This morning I slipped andI fell over the edge.
But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn’t hang on for long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony and started kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. I let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Then suddenly, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly. The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story. “Picture this,” says the third man, “I was hiding naked inside a refrigerator…”
Source: From Elgatonegro of MCP