A guy went to the doctor because he was concerned about his sexuality.
Patient: “Doctor, I’m worried, I think I may be gay.”
Doctor: “Well, take off your pants and we’ll run a couple of tests.”
The man does so and the doctor grabs his penis.
Doctor: “Say ’55.’”
Patient: “55.”
The doctor then grabs his balls.
Doctor: “Say ’55.’”
Patient: “55.”
Doctor: Now, turn around and bend over.
The patient does so, and the doctor sticks his finger up his ass.
Doctor: “Say ’55.’”
Patient: “1…..2……3…..” (hehehe)
——————————————————————–
Pedro: Alam mo, yung pusa namin, kahit nakalagay sa lamesa at walang
takip ang ulam namin, hindi kinakain!
Juan: Maniwala ako?!
Pedro: Totoo!
Juan: Ano ba ang ulam nyo?
Pedro: Asin!
wapakkkk!!!
——————————————————————–
MRS: Lasing ka na naman?!
MR: Sorry, hon. Inimbita ako ng mga officemates ko. Konting inuman.
MRS: Tange! Anong officemate? Tricycle driver ka, ogag! kaboom!!!
——————————————————————–
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a case of beer, any kind except Heinekken.
The bartender says, “What’s wrong with Heinekken, don’t you like it?
The man says, “I hate that shit”. Last night I drank a whole case of Heinekken and blew chunks.
The bartender says, “You drink a case of any beer you’re going to blow chunks”.
You don’t understand said the man, Chunks is my dog.
——————————————————————–
PEDRO: Anong pulutan nyo kahapon sa birthday mo?
JUAN: Pata!
PEDRO: Wow! Anong klaseng pata?
JUAN; PATAgalan ng kwento! hihihi:-)
——————————————————————–
Balak mag-123 sa restaurant si Juan.
Manager: Hoy! San ka pupunta? Di
kapa bayad ah.
Juan: wala po akong pera.
Manager: Waiter bigyan mo ito ng
isa pang buong fried chicken.
hahaha… pag inuna mo ang leeg,
sasakalin kita. pag hita, lulumpuhin
kita. pag pakpak, pingkaw ka. pag
pitso, durog ang dibdib mo. lahat
ng gawin mo sa manok gagawin ko
sau.
nag isip si juan at bigla nya sinipsip ang puwet ng manok…..
——————————————————————–
KABIT: kelan mo hihiwalayan ang asawa mo?
MISTER: ngayon na. paguwi ko
KABIT: talaga?
MISTER: oo. sure na sure na. wala nang makakapag-pigil sakin. ikaw kasi ang mahal ko at sawa nako sa kanya. sasabihin ko ayoko na
nagmamadaling umuwi si mister sa bahay
MISTER: kelangan natin mag-usap, may sasabihin ako sayo
MISIS: ako rin may sasabihin
MISTER: importante yung sakin
MISIS: yung akin din
MISTER: hindi mo naiintindihan… ayoko…
MISIS: nanalo ako sa lotto 70million! ano yung sasabihin mo?? sabi mo ayoko
MISTER: aa… ayokong… mawalay sayo. i love you (wehhh di nga??? hehe)
——————————————————————–
Teacher: What do you want to become?
Johnny: Doctor !!
Teacher: Why?
Johnny: Coz its the only one profession where you can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it. (korek ka jan hehe)
——————————————————————–
Ni-rape si Inday
Maid: Ma’m, ni-rape ako ng magnanakaw kagabi…
Madam: Bakit di ka sumigaw?
Maid: Eh, akala ko po kase si Sir, pero nung dumalawang round, nagduda na po ako!
acheche!!
——————————————————————–
Nanay sinisermunan ang anak
Nanay: Bobo ka talaga! 1 to 10 lang di mo kayang bilangin?
Anak: Mas bobo si tatay nay, kasi narinig ko minsan sabi, ‘tama na inday, hanggang tatlo lang kaya ko.’nyekkk!!
