websaytko.com – raredog’s chronicle

Dear Diary,

Dec 14: Finally arrived in America for the first time. News about the possibility of a White Christmas!

Dec 15: Wife and I sat by the window all day watching the snowflakes gently drifting down, covering the trees and the ground. Like the Christmas card my sister sent me. Oh, how beautiful!!! (Nicer than the ash fall of Mt.Pinatubo!)

Dec 16: Awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight! I really enjoyed shoveling my sister’s driveway. It was really FUN!!! A snow plow accidentally covered up the driveway. He waved. He reminded me of Santa Claus. I waved back to this nice citizen and shoveled again…no problem.

Dec 17: Wow! 5 more inches of snow! The temperature dropped down to 5 degrees. The snowplow covered the driveway again with a compacted snow. I guess I’ll have to shovel again. It’s quite fun though, I think this will be one my fat burners here. But it is really cold out!!! BRRRRRRR……….

Dec 18: The temp went up a little and the snow on the street turned into a slush mixed with dirt and became brownish-gray. Then at night, the temp went down again and became icy. A tree limb snapped and fell on my sister’s new car. Shucks!!!

More snow and ice predicted. Sho-shovel na naman ako?!!! Ah lec*e, suma-sakit na ang likod ko !!! Whew… I miss my houseboy so much!!!

Dec 19: P****** na! ang Lamig!!!! The snow plow came by 2X today. First he covered the streets with “sand”, then came back and pushed the snow and ice mixed with the dirty sand on the driveway again. Eh, t****na, ako NA NAMAN ang mag-sho-shovel noon eh!!!!!!!! Ang hirap pala kung araw-araw mong ginagawa!!! Kung nasa Pilipinas ito pinag-mumura ko na yung t***-inang driver na yon!!! L**HE!!!

Dec 20: Power went off due to the weather and cold. Sinisipon na kaming lahat dito!!. Used kerosene heater which tipped over. Putr*gis, nasunog yung mga kilay at pilik mata ko. H*ndot!!! Buwisit na bansa ito!!!

Dec 21: More snow predicted. Wind chill -7 degrees!!! Nag li-leak na yung bubong ng utol ko. All the plumbing pipes are frozen. Naku h*ndot, walang pang katulong! Mukhang ako nanaman ang gagawa!!! T***ina, ang hirap ng buhay na walang maid!!! Pagbumalik pa yung hayop na snowplow na yon, sa-salubungin ko na siya ng chainsaw at palakol !!!

Dec 22: Anak ng p**a, ang ginaw! Inabangan ko yung snowplow, hinabol ko ng itak at ina-tempt kong saksakin yung driver, pero nakatakas ang kupal. Hindi ko mahabol dahil ang sakit ng mga daliri, toes at likod ko, at lumalabo na ang paningin ko. Nabubulag na yata ako!

Dec 23: Lumamig nanaman!!! Dumami na naman ang SNOW. Sabi sa tv na aabot hanggang Abril daw ang winter season!!!

Anooooh?!!! Ayoko na dito!!! Inyo na snow nyo!!! UUWI NA ‘KO SA PILIPINAS!!

Pedro:  Pare, ikaw ba’y naniniwala sa safe sex?

Juan  :  Aba , oo naman!

Pedro:  Pare, wais ka talaga! Paano mo ginagawa sa partner mo?

Juan  :  Sinisiguro ko na wala ang mister niya!

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Sa isang restaurant:

PAENG     : Hot tea, please.

TEMYONG:  : Ako rin, hot tea. Make sure malinis ang baso.

Pagkaraan ng limang minuto:

WAITER   : Order n’yo, dalawang hot tea.
           Kanino nga ‘yung malinis ang baso?

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PEDRO:  Ano ang mas mahalaga, pera o asawa?

JUAN:  Syempre, pera! Kasi, ang pera, habang tumatagal, lumalaki ang

interes. Samantalang ang asawa, habang tumatagal,

nawawalan ka ng interes,tapos,inuubos pa ang pera mo

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TACIO  :  Ano ang pinakamasakit na maramdaman mo kung matanda ka na?

PEDRO: :  Yung paggising mo sa umaga, tapos, pagtingin mo sa tagiliran mo,
matanda rin ang iyong katabi
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GREAT FACTS:

Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.

Marriage is a relationship wherein one person is always right and the

other person is the husband.
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JUNIOR: Inay! Bibili po ako ng HIGH CAKE!

INAY:   Hindi iyon high cake, anak HOT CAKE!

UNIOR:  Kahit ano pa siya, pahingi na lang po ng barya!

INAY:   Kumuha ka na lang sa SOLDIER BAG ko!
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MISTER: Isa sa mga bata ang kumuha ng pera sa pitaka ko!

MISIS   : Sobra ka! Ba’t mo pinagbibintangan ang mga bata? Malay mo, ako?!

MISTER: Siguradong hindi ikaw! Kasi, may natira!
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I heard that cockroaches can live 9 days without a head. THAT’s NOTHING!

Pinoys can stay in Congress and Senate for 9 years without brains! OUCH!

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MISTER: Alam mo, kahit lasing akong umuwi, hindi naman ako maingay.

MISIS: Hindi ka nga maingay, pero ‘yung dalawang bumuhat sa ‘yo,
       maingay!

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Sa tindahan ni Aling Nena:

Ely: (pasigaw) Pabili po ng SAFEGUARD!!!

Aling Nena: (galit na sumigaw rin) Huwag kang sumigaw riyan! Hindi ako

            bingi! Anong SIM CARD?! Globe o Smart?!

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William: Absent ako kahapon, kasi, nakunan ang nanay ko at ako ang
         naiwan

Titser  :  Speak English because this is an English class.

William: I was absent yesterday because my mother was subtraction and I
was the remainder!

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Sa psychiatric ward

Nars       : Nasa isip mo ba ang pamilya mo?

Pasyente: Oo naman! Syempre!

Nars       : (natuwa) Nasaan na ba ang pamilya mo?

Pasyente: Nasa isip ko nga, eh! Tanga ka ba?!

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MARTHA:  Mare, pwede ba, dito muna ako sa inyo? Lumayas ako sa amin.
Kasi, buntis ako.

GUADA :  Dapat, sa taong nakabuntis sa ‘yo ka pumunta!

MARTHA:  Kaya nga rito ako pumunta, eh. Nandiyan ba si pare?

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Host         : What is your edge over the other contestants?

Contestant: My edge is… 21 years old.

Host         : How do you see yourself 10 years from now?

Contestant: I’ll be 31.

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THEY’RE FINALLY TOGETHER ….

She married and had 13 children. 

Her husband died.

She married again and had 7 more children.

Again, her husband died.  

But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children.

She finally died after having 25 children.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. 

He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said,

‘Lord, they’re finally together.’

One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend,

‘Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?’ 

The friend replied,

‘I think he means her legs.’

Amen.

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A doctor is going about his business,
with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear.

He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the days
activities, when a co-worker asks
why he has a thermometer behind his ear?

In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer,
looks at it and exclaims:
“Damn, some asshole has my pen!”

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Via email

One day an employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his salary!!!

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.

 $incerely Your$,

Norman $oh

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply:

Dear NOrman,

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. Who kNOws maybe after the NOvember Obama – McCain presidential election things may turn out good. Then you can have a raise!

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.

Yours truly,
ArNOld WAYne
Manager

VIA Email