websaytko.com – raredog’s chronicle

  Misis : Darling, ano ang tawag sa isang asawa na sexy,
          maganda, hindi selosa, mapagmahal, masipag, mapagkalinga, masarap
          magluto?

  Mister: Guni-guni!

        ***

  TANONG: Paano mo sasabihin sa isang babae na mataba siya
                nang hindi siya mababastos?

  SAGOT: ‘Uhm, excuse me, miss…Mang Tomas ba ang lotion
                mo?’  < oink! >

        ***

   Aanhin ko ang napakalaking bahay, mamahaling sasakyan,
   milyun-milyong kayamanan, at masasarap na pagkain kung
   ang kapit-bahay ko ang may-ari ng mga iyun?! Ngeks!

        ***

   Nanay: Ano ‘tong malaking zero sa test paper mo?

   Anak : Hindi po ‘yan zero, ‘Nay. Naubusan lang ng star
          ang teacher ko kaya binigyan niya ako ng moon! Moon lang ‘yan,
          ‘Nay,promise!

        ***

        Mga sikat na salawikain:

        Better late than pregnant.
        Kapag may tiyaga, good luck!
        Aanhin pa ang damo…kabayo ba ako?
        Do unto others, then, run! Run! Run!
        Ang hindi magmahal sa sariling wika ay
        lumaki sa ibang bansa.
        Ang lalaking nagigipit, sa bakla kumakapit.

        ***

        Guro: Sino si Jose Rizal?

        Juan: Di ko po kilala.
        Guro: Ikaw Pepe?
        Pepe: Di ko rin po kilala…
        Guro: Di nyo kilala si Jose Rizal?
        Pedro: Ma’m, baka po sa kabilang section sya!

        ***

        Paano humamon ng AWAY ang …
        BULAG?
        Magpakita kayo mga Duwag!

        DULING?
        Isa Isa Lang! para patas ang Laban!

        PILAY?
        Patay kung Patay! Walang Takbuhan!

        ***

        Pedro: Pare balita ko bading ka daw. totoo ba?!
        Ambo: Pare, Mga chismax lang ‘yun galing sa mga chuvanes
              na walang magawa sa mga chenilyn nila….  chura nila! hmpf!

        ***

        Boy: Di na tuloy ang kasal natin
        Girl: Bakit?!
        Boy: Kuya mo kasi eh!
        Girl: Hindi no! Gusto ka ng Kuya ko!
        Boy: Yun nga eh…gusto ko rin ang kuya mo!

        ***

        BALIW (tumawag sa mental hospital):
               Hello… may tao po ba sa Room 168?

        Telephone Operator: Wala po, bakit?
        Baliw: Check ko lang kung nakatakas talaga ako!

        ***

        Bigo ka ba sa luv? eto ang mga BEST partners :

        Kuba: Mapagkumbaba
        Pilay: Hindi ka tatakbuhan
        Bulag: walang paki sa looks mo
        Pipi: Hindi nagbibitiw ng bad words
        Duling: Hindi ka hahayaang mag-isa!

        ***

        American guy named Paul challenged a Filipino:
        American: Use my name 4 times in a sentence!
        Pedro: Paul, be carePaul, you might Paul in the swimming Paul.

        ***

        Quote for the Day…

        Ang Buhay ay parang bato… it is HARD !!

        ***

        Love is a hidden fire, a pleasant sore, a soothing pain,
        an agreeable torment, a sweet wound, in short – a gentle death! Ang
        lalim! Grabe…! Dati Love is blind lang, eh!

        ***

        Mister: Di ko na kaya problema ko!
        Misis:  Hon, problema natin ito, tayo ang magkasama sa
                buhay, lahat ng problema mo problema ko… ano problema natin?
        Mister: Nabuntis ko si Inday!
        Misis:  Ngeee       

        ***

        Kapag may kaaway ka, tandaan mo…dito lang ako… dito
        lang talaga ako…tapos dyan ka lang, wag kang pupunta dito! Baka
        madamay ako..   

        ***

        Prospective Employer to Applicant:
        ‘So why did you leave your previous job?’

        Applicant: ‘The company relocated and they did not tell
                    me where!’

        ***

        Juan: Birthday ng asawa ko…
        Pedro: Ano regalo mo?
        Juan: Tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.
        Pedro: Ano naman sinabi?
        Juan: Kahit ano basta yung may DIAMOND.
        Pedro: Ano binigay mo?

        Juan: Ha, eh di, …..  Baraha.

Source: via email

Im proud of this video you’ll about to see. Why? Because they are a true blooded Pinoy’s! They came from the beautiful city of Pasay! Their guts and adrenalins are super duper HIGH! They’ve poured a tremendous amount of effort, talent, and ideas in making their funny and brainsick videos.

Their videos will make you forget about your problems.  You’ll laugh like crazy upon watching their (faces) comic antics.

You want proof? Try watching them with the volume turned down (100%). You’ll still have the same results. You’ll still LAUGH and LAUGH AND LAUGH!!!

And without further ado, I introduce to you 3D Roadfill and Moymoy!

watch their video

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’ After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’ ‘It was Bob the next door neighbour,’ she replies. ‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’ 
 
 Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
 
Lesson 2:  

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’ The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’ The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’ Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity. 
  
Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
 
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’
‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’
Puff! She’s gone.

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’
Puff! He’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
 
Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’
The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared,
jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
 
Lesson 5
 
A turkey was chatting with a bull. ‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’ ‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients.’ The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there..
 
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.  While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!
      THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Via Email
bullshit course dung management lessons morals