websaytko.com – raredog’s chronicle

Candid Camera was one of my favorite shows during my younger years. Its fun to watch ordinary people getting pranked on television. Then came other tv sitcoms with the same motif, Punkd, Girls Behaving Badly, Just For Laughs, Gags, The Jamie Kennedy Experiment, Wow Mali! Bitoy’s Funniest and many more.

And with cameras getting smaller (mobile phones with cam, spy cam, pen cam, CCTV) these days, it can now be easily concealed, and anybody can do some funny or sometimes nasty things with other people. Second thing is video compression, where you can transform large video files to fit, to transfer and pass, and be viewed on mobile phones.

Just like the latest “HOT” issue of Hayden Kho, Katrina Halili and Maricar Reyes scandal, where camera technology is a big part of it. I even heard some people making fun of Hayden’s name by changing it to Hayden Kho Meras because of his expertise in hiding cameras hehe. Actually, their sexy and perfectly toned bodies can easily have a phenphedrine review commercial, but instead it was feasted by the public in such a shameful manner. Next time be cautious. Be very cautious.

Want to see some New York City Attractions? I went to New York last year, and I suggest you go to Bloomingdale for shopping, it is great value for money and much more affordable than Saks. I also love the Empire State Building, and try and go at night time cause the views are so fantastic at night and it is less busy, if try during the day like i did you cue for over an hour. You will love New York, there is so much to do, at first you will think you can walk every block as you will be looking at the views of the very tall buildings, but then your legs will begin to hurt so you will have to get a cab. If you have time i would look round Toys R Us too, because the T-Rex that was filmed in Jurassic Park is in there, and that’s amazing. In the GM building on the 65Th floor, there is a beautiful restaurant called the Rainbow room. It is VERY expensive, but just to go once it is wonderful! There is a dress code so women need dresses and men need a suit. Also, there is a wonderful opera house in Lincoln Square. My personal recommendation for seeing an opera is an opera called Tosca. I don’t know if it’s still showing, but it is wonderful. Another place to go is the top of the Empire State building during the night. It looks beautiful and also the site of the Manhattan Skyline. Happy travel!

Man 1: My wife is obsessed with cars. While asleep, she holds my dic and says, “Primera, Segunda”.
Man 2: Me too, but my wife is worse. While asleep, she takes hold of my dic,
puts inside her and say, “FULL-TANK PLEASE”

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In a grade 4 class:
Girl: Ma’am, can a 30 year old woman bear a child?
Teacher: Yes
Girl: a 20 year old lady?
Teacher: Yes.
Girl: a 10 year old girl?
Teacher: No!

boy nudged girl and said, “See, I told you not to worry!”

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Naglalakad ang dalawang magsyota ng may makita silang 2 asong nagsesex.
BOY: Honey, di ka ba na-iinggit sa kanila?
Girl: OO naman. Mas malaki pa kase yung sa ASO kesa sayo!

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Define IMPOTENCE.
- Nature’s way of saying, NO HARD FEELINGS.

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Why women don’t prefer to marry:
Men from las Pinas? -because they have BAMBOO ORGANS;
Fortune Tellers? – because they have CRYSTAL BALLS;
Men from Pateros? – because their itlog is maalat! Yuk!

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Boy: Ang sipag ng labandera natin nay!
Nanay: Bakit mo nasabi?
Boy: Kasi, nakita ko po, tulog pa si tatay,
hinuhubad na niya yung brief ni tatay para labhan.

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Girl enters sex shop and ask the clerk:
Girl: Where’s your vibrator section?
Clerk: It’s over there on the wall ma’am.
Girl: I want that big red one.
Clerk: Sorry ma’am we can’t sell you that, that’s the fire extinguisher!

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Lola: mahal, make love tayo.
Lolo: sige, kunin ko muna comdom.
Lola: sira ulo! di na ko mabubuntis!
Lolo: alam ko, kaya lang may rayuma ako. Di pwede mabasa. (har har har)

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Man 1: Misis ko tanga, bumili ng aircon wala kaming kuryente.
Man 2: Mas tanga misis ko. Bumili ng washing machine, wala kaming tubig.
Man 3: Pinaka-tanaga misis ko. laging may condom, wala naman titi.
(awww! mukhang ikaw pinakatanga hehe)

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Man: Doc, how can I live to be 100 yrs old?
DOC: do you drink or smoke?
Man: No!
DOC: do you gamble or fool around with women?
Man: Never!
DOC: Then what’s the point to live up to 100? (korek!)

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Wife: Wahhhhh! Ni-rape ako ng gorilla sa gubat!
Husband: LAnghiya yan! Patay sakin yan!
(Lumusob at Pagbalik)
Wife: Patay na ba?
Husband: Nai-Ganti na kita. Ni-Rape ko rin asawa niya.
(Tarzan yells Ahhhhh ahhhhhh)

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Husband: Shall we try a different position tonight?
Wife: Hey! That’s a good idea….
dun ka sa kuwarto at mag-alaga ng anak mo,
at ako naman ang uupo jan sa harap ng pc at mag-o-online games magdamag. (sapul harharhar!)

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Sa Impiyerno:
Man 1: Pare, ano ang kinamatay mo?
Man 2: Inatake ako sa puso. Akala ko kasi nagtataksil ang misis ko kaya bigla
akong umuwi at nadatnan kong hubo’t-hubad siya. Naghanap ako sa buong kabahayan pero wala akong nakitang lalaki.
Ikaw pare, ano ang kinamatay mo?
Man 1: Namatay ako sa lamig.
Man 2: Ano? bakit naman?
Man 1: Bigla kasing umuwi ang aking kumpare at nagtago ako sa freezer, ang problema na-lock ito sa labas.
Kung naghanap ka lang ng mabuti pare, malamang pareho pa tayong buhay ngayon! (papatayin kita ulit hayuppp kaa!)

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“HOney,” gising ng asawa sa mister niya.
“Wala akong panty ngayon.”
Naalimpungatan ang mister.
“Kaya ka pala laging kinakabagan eh,” sabi ng mister. (may ganun!)

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Taxi Driver: Miss san tayo?
Miss: Wala akong pambayad eh. Gusto mo BJ na lang?
Taxi Driver: ok…(ayos jackpot!)
After…
Taxi Driver: Oh san tayo?
Miss: Sa gay beauty contest pare!

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Anak: Inay, pwede na ba akong mag-bra?
Inay: anak, hindi pwede!
Anak: Eh bakit hindi pwede? Inay, 17 na ko.
Inay: Hindi nga pwede! Tigilan mo na nga ko BOYEt! Uupakan na kita! (hambalusin mo ng matauhan hehe!)

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Bakit dapat may bulsa ang brief?
- para lalagyan ng asin, pampaalat sa itlog.

Bakit ang panty walang bulsa?
- Dahil maalat na ang mani.

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Bakit ginawang mabaho ang utot?
- para maamoy ng bingi.

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Wife placed ecstasy pill on her husband’s coffee to add sexual drive. Moments after drinking, the husband immediately grabbed his wife and spread her legs on the table. The wife shouted” “Bigyan mo naman ako ng kahihiyan dito sa McDo!!!”

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Bakit shy ang Pig?
- kasi nanay niya baboy.

Bakit shy ang chick?
- kasi nanay niyang manok may itlog at ang tatay niya wala.

Bakit shy ang toes?
- kasi foot ang ina nya.

bakit bawal sa kalbo ang turtle neck?
- dahil magmu-mukha siyang roll on.

bakit kinagat ni eba ang mansanas?
-kasi di nya nagustuhan ang saging ni adan.

bakit nakatingala ang mga pari habang umiihi?
- tinatanong niya kung hanggang don na lang ba talaga gamit non?

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GOOD, BAD, WORST:

Good: palaging nasa kwarto ang anak mong lalaki para mag-aral.
Bad: nakakita ka ng Tiktik magazine sa ilalim ng kama niya.
Worst: ikaw ang cover.

Good: magaling sa fashion ang asawa mo.
Bad: Nagdadamit-babae rin pala siya.
Worst: mas maganda siya kaysa sa iyo kapag suot na niya ang mga damit mo.

Good: Di ka kinakausap ng asawa mo.
Bad: Gusto na niyang makipag-divorse.
Worst: Abogado ang asawa mo.

Good: Buntis ang asawa mo.
Bad: Triplets anak nya.
Worst: Baog ka.

Good: May bagong trabaho ang anak mong babae.
Bad: Dancer pala siya sa isang bar.
Worst: Ang mga kasamahan mo sa trabaho ang mga kliyente nya.
Super worst: mas malaki pa siyang sumuweldo kesa sayo.

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OB-Gyne Check-up:
First time check-up ng isang babae.
DOC: Wow, ang laki laki ng pek pek mo! Wow, ang laki laki ng pek pek mo!
Girl: Doc naman, inulit pa ng dalawang beses.
DOC: Hindi ko inulit. Nag-echo yon. (alingawngawngawngaw)

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Two employees were caught naked and having sex inside the office by the janitor.
Janitor: AHA!!!, Violating company rules!
Male/Female Employees: What rule?
Janitor: (Thinks) Not Wearing uniform! (uu nga naman haha!)

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Pag Umutot:
American: Pardon me.
British: Excuse me.
Pinoy: PU@#$%$, di ako yon! Mamatay na umutot!!!!! (oo nga, oo nga)

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Sa loob ng isang motel:
GIRL: huhuhu… bakit natin ginawa ito? di na ko virgin at 2 beses pa nating ginawa?
BOY: aba! aba! isa lang kaya noh!
GIRL: bakit, hindi mo na ba uulitin? (may ganooooonn!)

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Nagkita ang magkaibigang girl at boy.
Boy: prenship, parang lumalaki ang tiyan mo?
Girl: Kabag lang ito prenship.
(After 9 months. nakita ng boy ang girl na may dalang baby)
Boy: Wow! cute ng utot mo ah! (hihihi)

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wife: dear, bakit may black eyes ka?
husband: paakyat kasi ako sa escalator sa Megamall. Napansin ko na naipit yung mini-skirt ng babaing nasa unahan ko sa pagitan ng kanyang puwet. Inayos ko, tapos hinarap niya ako at sinuntok sa kaliwang mata.
Wife: Ganon! Eh pano mo nakuha yung black-eye mo sa kanang mata?
husband: E kasi, akala ko gusto nyang nakaipit talaga yung palda niya kaya binalik ko ulit. (wappakk!)

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A doctor was making rounds at a hospital when a nurse approaches her.
Nurse: Doc, bakit ho may nakaipit na thermometer sa tenga mo?
DOC: Shucks! Kaninong pwet ko kaya naiwan ang BALLPEN ko?

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Man and woman after sex:
WOMAN: bakit kuha mo picture flower ko?
MAN: Papasikat ako sa barkada ko. Ba’t ikaw kuha mo picture bird ko?
WOMAN: wala, papa-enlarge ko. (pede…pede…hehe)

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Mag-sweetheart habang nanonood ng BFF sa sinehan

sa kalagitnaan ng palabas:

Girl: Sweetheart….may problema yata….
Boy: Wisheart, ano yon? manood na lang tayo….ganda na ng eksena..
Girl: Eh, hindi nga ako makanood, distracted na ako..
Boy: Huh, baket? ano meron?
Girl: eh, kasi…itong katabi ko, horny nah..sobra?
Boy: Huh? papano mo nalaman?
Girl: Eh, kasi…uh, eh….nag ma-maste&b@t3 na siya, eh…
Boy: HUh, ba’t di mo agad sinabi, tara nah, alis na tayo, o lipat tayo…dali
Girl: Teka, sandali, huwag muna….tsk
Boy: Pambihira! ano? baket?
Girl: eh…kasi…gamit niya, kamay ko, eh…:p (toinkz!)